"A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets." Gloria Stuart
I don't know where to begin. I guess that is always the problem... where to begin... It's my crutch really. If I just sit back debating where to start I never actually have to start.
So why am I here? To write. I need to write. Can't explain the need if you don't have it. Just trust me it's a need. I guess I figured I would join the masses blogging so that I would have a forum. A place to write. A place that would help me be accountable; otherwise I routinely return to that crutch I mentioned before.
So what to write about? To be honest, I've been debating that for months. That way I could hang on to that crutch of not sure where to start even longer. Truth is... I still haven't decided and as later posts develop you will hopefully understand why.
In essence I hope to share some stories from that deep ocean of secret's that is my complicated heart. I am not sure what direction my writing will take me. The only thing I know for sure is that matters of my heart will definitely include stories about "my" kids - because they occupy so much of my heart.
Truth is, I have no children of my own. In fact, my husband and I have been dealing with infertility for over 5 years (I am sure you will here more about that later). What I know about motherhood comes from what I have seen or been told by others. I have been told that when a woman first becomes a mother and holds her first child in her arms her heart is filled with so much love she thinks there may not be room to love anyone else. But, then when she has another child she finds a different place in her heart with equal room to carry the love for that second child. In that way her love grows, different, but equal. If she has a third, the same thing happens and in this way her heart grows to love and carry more love than she thought was possible.
As I said, I don't have children of my own, but 6 years into working at a very unique small private school I have a new found understanding of that description. God has blessed me with more children to love than most women ever get the chance to even know. And with each one of them I get to love them as individuals and as unique parts of a group. My heart has more rooms in it than I ever thought possible. Individually and collectively I love each of them. God has truly blessed me with that love and I thank each one of them for allowing me into their lives. Of course... I also thank them for the comic relief they often provide, but I will save those stories for another post.
